My Youngest Daughter's Wedding Day

June 9, 2010, my youngest daughter, Sheena, married Trent Bates in the Mount Timpanogos Temple. I have, in a way, looked forward to this day all of her life. You bring children into this world to raise them to become responsible adults, capable of supporting themselves and blessing your life with grandchildren. Being the grandfather of two had I known how wonderful it is to be a grandfather I would have skipped being a father altogether. But I digress.

It was a wonderful day. (By the way the almanac predicts that June 9 is the best day in June for an outdoor reception--just in case you have a June wedding in your future). The weather, which has been anything but June like cooperated. The day was warm in the 80's, the sun shone some of the day but there was a nice amount of cloud cover to make the day easier for us all--including my bald head. It did rain a bit for about seven minutes but not very hard. Mercifully, the wind did not blow.

The pleasant weather did not make this such a wonderful day. What made this such a wonderful day? The marriage and many small moments all rolled into one made this a most memorable day. A parental payday. One of those days that parent's cherish and cling to the memory for as long as memory lasts.

For me the day was capsulated in a few moments--a simple dance, a tradition at receptions. The father and daughter dance together--alone on the dance floor--at the conclusion of the dance the groom either cuts in or takes the next dance. The symbolism is rich.

Sheena had given me a heads up in the morning that she wanted to dance. She told me the chosen song was about a father taking his youngest daughter down the aisle and the difficulty in giving her away. Ok when she told me this I did not reply. I could not--the lump in my throat was to big to allow me even to stammer out a reply. The day went on. When I first saw her in the temple dressed in white and looking so lovely and grown up, that lump came back again. Luckily, I did not have to say anything then.

Following the wedding there was the traditional picture taking. Beckie and I stayed behind as the photographer (Kate Osborne Photography) took a lot of pictures of just Sheena and Trent. As I stood there watching them I had an experience that I really can't put into words. I hope I won't be misunderstood in sharing it. As I watched the two of them I felt a symbolic weight lifted from my shoulders my relationship with Sheena was now different. I was no longer the primary male figure I have been all of her life. I was now more of a consultant. I really can't do this moment justice. To me it was profound and sweet. I wish I had the words to convey how powerful of a moment it was for me.

As the day progressed and we were into the reception. I forgot all about that dance as I spent the evening greeting friends and those who came from the Bates side of the marriage. As we neared the time for the reception to end, Sheena told me she wanted to dance. I was not looking forward to this dance. Not because I generally do not dance and it shows. Not because all eyes would be on us. I was not looking forward to this because Sheena had told me what the lyrics of the song were and I knew I would cry and cry hard. The song began, I had never heard it before. I looked at my youngest daughter--how beautiful she looked. Where had the little girl gone. Where was the girl who used to push her bangs back to mimic by bald head and say"I look just like my Dad. Where was the little girl who with such innocence when I phoned home from a business trip and I told her that I had visited a castle in Disney World that day asked me with wonder in her voice if I had seen a princess. (By the way because of that our family began annual vacations). As we started to dance my eyes immediately teared up. The lump in my throat was actually painful. Sheena teared up too. For a moment we just hugged and I tried not to sob. We talked. What we talked about should be kept between the two of us. It was the perfect conversation for me. I got to tell her some special things about her that only I know. She got to say thanks for me being her Dad. As I looked around I noted that we were indeed the center of attention. I also noted that Sheena and I were not the only ones with tear filled eyes. (I can't even write this without tearing up). For me it was the perfect transition. The changing from one part of our relationship to the next. The chapter finished but the book continues on.

Why did I fear that dance? It is interesting in life how many times the things we dread or fear turn out to be so fulfilling and necessary for us. Even the really hard things when we pass through them in retrospect we see them as refining moments. In my case this was my payday. One of many parental paydays that I will forever cherish. Thanks Sheena for pushing the issue and creating that moment for me. God Bless.