My Dad's passing

Today, May 24, 2010, my father passed away. He was born in Chico, Texas in March 1918. He was 92. the adventures of his life took him from Texas to Wyoming, to Idaho, Utah, Nevada, California, Oregon and finally Montana. Professionally he was a chef. He served in the Army in Okinawa during WWII. Along the way he fathered 6 children I was the youngest.

The odd thing is my feelings. I don't have the feelings I suppose I should have. I feel sad but mostly I feel sad that I don't feel sad. My father and I did not have much of a relationship. You see he left my family when I was 6 years old. I would spend summers with him until I graduated from high school. I always went to where he was living--the road did not go both ways. I would send him invitations to my high school graduation, my college graduations (I did it twice it was so much fun). To this day I am still his only child with a college degree. He did not attend my wedding and only saw my 4 children twice.

A few times I sent him letters asking for a reason that he was not a part of my life. I never heard a response. For over 10 years my wife sent him a letter and a check every two weeks. When we did talk it was mostly about the weather and outdoors kinds of things. We never spoke about the important things.

A few years ago my older brother Taylor and I went up to visit my Dad in Oregon. We both flew in and spent a few days with him. My sister Jennifer came up also. We went to the coast and had a pleasant time. During this time he never asked me about my family--until I was getting on the plane to return home. I found that strange. I realized he does not know me. And I don't know him.

I knew he was a poor man. Honorable with his debts. Shortly after my parents were divorced he remarried. Marge, my step-mom she got cancer. My Dad did not have health insurance and it took him 20 years to pay for the bill. His example of honoring his debts has always inspired me. He also always paid his alimony and child support. There was a bit of a row between my parents when a child support check did not show up. My Mom was angry that it was not sent. My Dad insisted that he had sent the check. Years later I found that check being used as a book mark in a book I was reading. My Mom did not laugh at that. I did.

Two years ago my Dad's health no longer permitted him to live alone. He went to live in Deer Lodge, Montana. This is where his step-daughter Bev lives. He stayed in a nursing home there the last two years of his life. My wife beckie and I went to Medford, Oregon to close out his apartment. My sister Jennifer also came up from Reno, Nevada. Beckie and I worked hard and disposed of his furniture, clothing, and cleaned out his apartment. We both look back on that few days as a memorable time. We discovered that we work well together. As I was looking through photo albums that he had I saw many pictures with his new family. He was there for the celebration of birthdays, holidays and graduations. All of the things he missed with me--he had with his new family. It was a revelation to me. I finally understood that when he left his family he left more than his wife--he left his youngest three children as well.

As we finished closing out his apartment a grand daughter from his new family came to drive him to Montana. As they drove away I said to myself I won't see him again in this life. It was true. In my mind I became an orphan that day. I mourned his passing then.

Today the news leaves me feeling funny. I'm glad he was surrounded by those he loved and those who knew and loved him. I'm grateful to God that he had that blessing. I guess that I am sad that he never got to know his own blood family. He has wonderful grand children that he does not know--and they never got the chance to know him. That is sad.

So on this snowy May 24, 2010. I wish my Father well in his journey into the eternities. I wish him nothing but happiness.